TYPES OF FRIENDS
There are just normal people whom we have been meeting frequently in our everyday lives and we have good relations with them. Peer friends are the ones we share common places and common interests together meaning; we share:
· Same school or Same class
· Same job or Same restaurant
· Same neighborhood or Same street
· Same playing ground or Same club
They are not actually real friends, we don’t trust them yet, but the act of meeting frequently, makes us “just peer friends” There is no personal sharing of feelings, ideas, plans, etc. It is just greetings and normal talks. A peer friend can not know what dream you had last night, or that you had a misunderstanding with your parents. These are too personal things to share with “just a peer friend”. They are very normal people. Some of them, you haven’t even talked too even once; you just greet each other simply. But peer friendship can be the beginning of a good serious relationship. It can be the beginning of drawing to each other and start talking and sharing.
Casual friends are also called ‘Just good friends’. There are not necessarily people we share common places, but among the peer group of friends, they are the ones we normally like to be with always, and do some things together. So, we select casual friends among peer friends. You may not live or work in the same street or town, but you are interested in each other that you always travel to visit each other or plan to meet or gather together at some place just to be in the company of each other or communicate through long distance. Casual friends are people we like being together with, we always like to hang around with, because we share some common things in life.
Example:- In a new school or a class or a youth camp, before we know each other well, we are all usually the one same group. But after some time, say a week, or two, or a month, slowly you’ll see groups of the same, starting to form. Casual friends will have already identified themselves. You will see groups of people already formed. You’ll see groups of youth who like eating together, who like going to places together (eg. To the dinning hall, to the shop, to town, etc). You’ll see groups of people who like visiting each other in their rooms/houses, who like to spend time together, and share their interests and hobbies together. The “Likeness” between them, has drawn them together. We normally call such friends “my company” or “his company” or “her company”.
Let me also not forget to say that, casual friendship is not necessarily a friendship of the same gender or same sex only. No! A casual friend can be of the opposite sex too. Jesus has Lazarus, Mary and Martha as his friends! It’s fine and OK to have casual friends of the opposite sex. In fact, it is psychologically, socially and spiritually healthy to have friends of the opposite sex, if you are perfectly and correctly taught the word of God and you understand the will of God and the plan of God concerning friendship. I will talk about this more at the end of this topic, because I know it is not very common idea to the African culture and the doctrines of some of our churches. So, hold your breath!
Close friends are also called ‘best friends’. Among the many casual friends one may have, there are few who come out to be very close friends to you. These are the ones who come to be people you really trust on them. Close or Best friends are normally very few, not many. Such friends are the ones King Solomon taught about in his book of wisdom saying The person who makes for himself many friends, is for his own destruction; But there is a friend who sticks more than a brother (paraphrased) Proverbs 18:24. Notice, he said it is dangerous to have too many (close) friends because are not supposed to be many like six or ten! No! they have to be few, very few.
Its OK even to have only one very close friend (Best friend).It fine. But also you may have two or three close friends …or even five, at most! Jesus had only three! Peter, James and John! I believe that the rest of the disciples were in the level of casual together with Lazarus, Mary and Martha. Because a close friend (best friend) has to know your heart and your secrets, they have to know your dreams and your plans, your fears and your worries, your strength and your weakness.
Close friends know you inside out. Close friends know you to the level which even your own parents or relatives do not know you. So, for that reason, having eight or ten best friends, it will be dangerous. It will destroy you. King Solomon says, it will be for your own destruction (Prov 18:24). In other words, if you love yourself, do not trust too many people with your heart! Make such friends as few as possible.
King Solomon says, “…but there is a friend, who sticks to you close than a brother (relative)” (Prov 18:24). Notice the singular form used there. So, that’s an indication that, close friends are to be few if not one. Look at Jesus, our example; He had only three close (best friends). Though He had so many people around Him, who really wanted to be his friends (Math 10:1-8, Luke 6:12-13,14-17; Luke 10:1,17-20), but Jesus knew how to draw lines.
Jesus knew how to cut down classes of people whom He allowed to come near Him. He had only three; Peter, James and John. He walked, talked and ate with all the twelve or the seventy, but ‘the three’ best friends of Jesus, had the privilege of knowing secrets of Christ’s’ heart (Math 17:1-9). One may be wondering, how does this type of friendship starts? Well, we gonna deal with that later, on how friendship starts.
4. INTIMATE FRIEND. (Marafiki wa moyoni)
An Intimate friend is as the word explains, ‘intimate!’ These are the people we normally choose among the few close friends. An intimate friend is an opposite sex/gender friend, who has totally caught the attention of your heart in a special way, I mean in a unique way which it can not simply be described by words. An intimate friend is the one you feel very attracted to him/her because you love him/her. There is attraction and passion between you. In simple or common words, we say; is the person you have ‘fallen in love’ with.
· You admire him/her and you appreciate him/her in every/most aspects of his/her life and conduct.
· You admire his/her character and attitudes, you admire his/her physical appearance (the figure, the color, facial appearance, etc), and You admire his /her responses and reactions to various situations and circumstances.
· You love he way he/she speaks, the way he/she smiles, the way he/she eats, the way he/she walks, the way he/she conduct his/her life in general. And also
An intimate friend is a friend whom has won your trust, and you have won his/her trust. You share and hold the deepest feelings and secrets of your hearts. He/she occupies your mind and heart. Is a friend you always want to be together with and share every good thing you do or experience. When away from him/her, you happen to miss his/her presence very much as it creates a gap in your life.
An intimate friend, you always want to communicate with him/her to hear the voice of the one you love, and to know what he/she is going through. You will even incur expenses just to hear from him/her. You will do anything and everything to get in touch and to know how your friend and ‘lover’ is doing. If you are really in love with him/her.................................!!!!
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