TOPIC: FRIENDSHIP,LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP!!!....CHAPTER TWO!!

CHAPTER  TWO

WHY DO WE NEED FRIENDS?

1.    TO FILL AND EXPRESS THE HUMAN NEED OF LOVE AND CARE.

We as human beings, all have this sense and ambition of wanting to be loved and to show or send or express love others people or beings. This ambition or desire or need is a natural and God given desire, to receive and give love, care, recognition, attention, appreciation and sympathy.  We are also created with the ambition of giving love to others. This need and ambition is the ability of the human soul, within us (every one of us) as part of our being.

Psychologists tell us that, infants (babies) can either grow weak and unbalanced physically and mentally, if they won’t receive enough love. Babies as human beings, even if they get good nutrition, still need love, care, attention, appreciation, touch, sweet words, etc. Not food alone, because man is not just a body. Man is a spiritual being with a soul, living in a body.

During the second world war, in  German, it was reported that, in a certain hospital some infants (babies) died and others grew so weak, just because their  mothers died in the war, and the hospital had no enough nurses to take care, of them as mothers do, though they had proper nutrition, medication and room temperature.  But one certain baby, who was always in the hands of one nurse, receiving love, sweet words, warm soft touches, he grew very beautifully strong and healthy.

We all have this space/hole in our hearts, of wanting to be filled with love, care and attention from someone. It’s Godly and it’s natural. And that’s why God has given us friends, so that through good friendship, the people we relate to can provide all that which feeds our souls and make us mentally and physically well. We need friends to fill and express the human need of Love and care. 

2.     TO FILL THE HUMAN NEED OF SOCIAL INTERACTION.

We are not just physical and spiritual beings, but we are also, social beings.  As we grow up, we develop the need and desire interaction, association and cooperation with other beings.  Not just human beings, but all good and attractive beings like animals such as pets and plants like flowers. Everyone has the need and desire to get together with other, to have people to talk to, listen to, share life with, relax with, and people to have fun with, to enjoy life and have recreation.  We all need people to talk with, to walk with, to work with, to worship with, to live with. 

Imagine a life, from morning to morning, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, for several months, or years, who does not interact with anybody, who does not talk to anyone, even a tree or a bird, imagine! I believe this guy won’t be normal mentally even physically! I think, if you won’t get people to talk with, and share life, I think… you may stiffen like a piece of dry wood! (Joke). Psychologists tell us that, such people will not grow up with a well balanced mental and emotional life.  Their psychological ability will obviously have defects.  Their characters and attitudes will surely be strange. We are not to eat, work, study and worship only, we have to balance life with recreation, enjoyment, relation, having fun, with people we like/love.  That’s why we need friends.

3.     TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND OURSELVES AND OTHERS.

Friendship and togetherness gives us the opportunity to know others people and their characters, behaviors and attitudes.  That knowledge helps us to choose friends to relate to more closely. Friendship gives us the chance to know ourselves.  You can’t identify the value something, if you can’t compare. To compare one needs other things of the same type or people (to be specific).  There are things, attitudes and desires in us, which we can’t identify them (know them) without the pull from the people we meet/interact with.

Interaction has the ability to pull some things from within us. As you share your life with other people, as you meet people of different kind, you will start to realize that “wow I like this”  or “I don’t like that”. Soon or later you will start to discover that “I don’t like this habit” or “I like this style” etc. Such will only be possible if you interact with people in the friendship game (way of life). Some likes and dislikes weakness and strength, desires and hates, which are in us, will never emerge out of us and be known, if we don’t interact. If you consider yourself an educated person, you may not know the strength or the weakness of what you know until you meet other learned fellows. If you count yourself as a great singer, musician, painter, etc you will not actually know the truth till you meet other fellow artists.

If you are a boy/male, you may not perfectly know the level of your strength or weakness till you hang alone with other boys/men. It’s the same with girls. Another aspect of life which has a great ability to pull the real personality of someone is the encounter with the opposite sex.  We are sexual beings. And sexuality has the power to identify and distinguish personalities, characters, behaviors, attitudes and conducts. The point still is, friendship has the power to make us know ourselves, the real us. So, friends help us to know ourselves and to know each other.

        

4.       FOR PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

When you know yourself and get challenged with a certain personality, character, ability or achievement of a friend, it is easy to set the desire for change and develop a better personality, characters, ability or achievement. When you find out an unattractive or an unpleasing habit or attitude, level or achievement, you are able to make up your mind not to end-up in such a place/level. So, you can see how friendship has help develop ones personality.

But also, when friends discover a bad behavior or unsatisfying thing in you, they can help you change and become a better person. Good friends challenge our lives and our lifestyles. Good friends help us to live a clean life, I mean not just in attitude wise or intellectually, but also physically in areas such as health wise, tidiness, in body, clothing, surrounding, etc.  Friends help us change character, attitudes, and develop better personality.  That why we need friends.

 5.       FOR HELP AND SUPPORT     *Eccl 4:9-10

Life is full of pleasure and pain as well. We don’t like bad things, but we face these things in the everyday now and the life. Everyday we fight and resist unwanted things in life such as poverty, lack, hurting, failure, brokenness, hardship, pain, sickness, accidents, death, etc.  Jesus said in John 16:33 that In the world you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer (in heart), (for) I have overcome the world. These things I have spoken that you may have peace (paraphrased). Also it’s written in Psalms 34:19 and 17 that; Many are the afflictions (troubles) of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. For they cry out and the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles. (paraphrased).

During hard times, discouragement, frustration, fear, worries, lack, failures, pain, tears, funerals, broken hearts, etc, friends are one of the best support and hope we may such hard times. Good friends may sometimes be used by God as the best medication to our lives when passing through ‘the valleys’ of life.  Imagine yourself going through a funeral or frustration or pain and discouragement without someone you love, to hold your hand and give you shoulder to cry on.  We need friends. * Read John 11: 1-7, 17-23 and see how Jesus was a good friend to Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha.

But also, during good times and high times of joy and celebration, friends are the best decorations.  Imagine having your birthday, your graduation or your marriage, without a single friend to be with you! I‘m telling you, you may find yourself going out to pick any body around, to give you company. Read it in Luke 14:15-24.  Friends decorate our good times and make us feel valuable, feel special, feel good and feel high even if you might be poor. That’s why we need friends and that’s why we have friends. Friends are for help and for support.

6.         FOR SPIRITUAL GROWTH

Friends are there to help us grow spiritually and know God more closely.  The bible says we can not be effective in sharing life and faith, if we do not grow spiritually in knowing God more.
It’s written in Philemon 1:6 that the communication of our faith, may become effectual, by getting to know (acknowledging) of every good thing which is in us in Christ Jesus.

To inherit God’s blessings in life requires spiritual growth (Gal 3:13-14, 29; Gal 4:1) and to overcome the world, sin and the devil requires spiritual maturity. And spiritual growth requires a disciplined life of bible studying, prayer, worship, and fellowship with other believers, etc. (Gal 5:16-23; Efe 4:11-14; Efe 6:12-13, 10-11).

We need friends to study Gods word with, to pray with, to worship with to serve god with, etc.  Friends are people to help us not to do some things which don’t please god and people.  (Even with rebukes).  Friends are there to help us do what we are supposed to do. To do good things. The bible says in 1Cor 15:33 that Do not be deceived, evil (bad) company corrupts good behavior (paraphrased). That is why the bible says that we should hold company with those who live with good (pure) hearts conducts. It says; flee from youthful lusts; and follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that love the Lord with a pure heart (2Tim 2:22). 

Friends, who draw us away from godly spiritual values, are never good friends.  If your friends are not helping you spiritually, then he/she is destroying your relationship with God, Even if he/she is not telling you to do bad things, but the state of leaving your situation, is a process of destroying you.  We are to make friends who help us to grow in the grace of Salvation and in knowing God more, through Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour (2 Pet 3:18)

7.         TO FIND A MARRIAGE PARTNER  *Gen 2:8, 18

People get their life partners in many ways.  Some get visions and dreams.  So get Prophecies and some here God’s voice clearly.  But these are very special ways for someone to receive direction on who to marry.  Not every one of us will here God’s voice in this way saying like the way Joseph did as he heard from God “Do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife” (Math 1:20)

In normal/general situations, people find their marriage partners, among their friends and among the people they meet. A wife or husband is supposed to be your best friend and partner in every aspect of life. Infact, perfect marriage partners are the ones who came united out of a close friendship. Best friends who know each other closely, have a big chance of  having the best marriage couple. I can say that, most marriage problems emerge from not being fully acquainted with your partner’s attitude and characters.

Many young men and women, boys and girls, get confused and frustrated, when it comes to the issue of deciding who to marry, though they have been taught and they have prayed a lot.  The knowledge about the person helps much in making decision and taking direction.  Friendship helps us to know good people and get good life partners. So, friendship helps us interact with people, get to know people, develop interest on certain people and eventually start marriage procedures.

Therefore, make more friends, godly friends, and it may be easier and of less confusion when the time comes for you to make the second most important decision: “who do you want to spend the rest of your life on earth with?”  It is the second most important decision, a person can make after deciding”  “where are you going to spend the rest of your life after earth/death” New Jehanum or New Jerusalem?  This is the first most important decision one is to make.  Then comes the decision about marriage.

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TOPIC: FRIENDSHIP,LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP!!....CHAPTER ONE!!

CHAPTER ONE

WHAT IS FRIENDSHIP?

Friendship is a common word, its known and its used every day, by everybody, though in different ways. Friendship is a word we use everyday in showing and expressing relationships between us or between people. Friendship can be defined in so many various ways: and here are some common definitions for what friendship means:-

Someone can say;

• Friendship is a good relationship or/and close relationship, between two or more people.
• Friendship is a sharing of one’s life with another or other people/beings, in various aspects of our everyday life; such as interests and hobbies, the pleasures and pains of life, etc.
• Friendship is a relationship of one’s own choice, of whom to be related to and how to be related to from the bases of appreciation and satisfaction of one own heart’s desires.
• Friendship is a agreement to a commitment of one’s life to the other, on the basis of hearts desires, choice and satisfaction, for a particular purpose / direction.

Kwa Mfano; Urafiki wa Jonathan na Daudi. (1Samweli 18:1-4)

Tunaona Jonathan anampenda sana Daudi baada ya kugundua vipawa vilivyo ndani ya Daudi. Tunasoma kwamba Daudi alikuwa anajua sana kupiga muziki (zeze) na kuimba zaburi kwa Mungu, kitu kilichofanya Daudi awe karibu sana na Mungu na kufunikwa na utukufu wa Mungu (upako). Hivyo Jonathan alimpenda sana Daudi kwasababu Daudi ana upako, uliomsaidia babake (mfalme) Sauli kufunguka kutoka katika nguvu za giza mara kwa mara.

Hivyo Daudi akawa mtu wa msaada sana kwa familia ya Mfalme na katika serikali yake. Pasipo Daudi kuwepo karibu, mambo yote ya ofisi ya Mfalme na nyumba yake yanaharibika. Hicho kilimfanya Jonathan kumpenda sana sana Daudi. Na Daudi naye akampenda sana Jonathan kwasababu Jonathan alimpenda yeye kwanza, na pia kwasababu Jonathan alikuwa mtoto wa mkuu wan nchi, mtoto wa Mfalme. Kukajengeka upendo mkubwa sana wa kirafiki kati ya Daudi na Jonathan.

Urafiki wa jinsia tofauti.

Let me also not forget to say that, casual friendship is not necessarily a friendship of the same gender or same sex only.  No! A casual friend can be of the opposite sex too. Jesus has Lazarus, Mary and Martha as his friends! It’s fine and OK to have casual friends of the opposite sex.  In fact, it is psychologically, socially and spiritually healthy to have friends of the opposite sex, if you are perfectly and correctly taught the word of God and you understand the will of God and the plan of God concerning friendship. I will talk about this more at the end of this topic, because I know it is not very common idea to the African culture and the doctrines of some of our churches. So, hold your breath!

Kwa Mfano; Urafiki wa Yesu na Martha, Mariam na Lazaro. (Yohana 11:5, 35-36)

Japo biblia haielezi wazi wazi sababu za urafiki wao, lakini maandiko yanaonyesha wazi kuwa, uhusiano wa Yesu na kina Lazaro, Martha na Mariam, ulikuwa wa karibu sana ingawa hawakuwa ndugu zake wala wanatimu wake, bali marafiki zake. Angalia inavyoelezwa katika msatri wa 5; Neno la Mungu linasema, ⁵Naye Yesu alimpenda Martha na umbu lake (yaani dada yake, ambaye ni Mariam) na Lazaro (ambaye ni kaka yao).

Hebu jiulize, kwanini Roho Mtakatifu alimwongoza Yohana kutanguliza kumuandika Martha kwanza, kabla ya Lazaro au Mariam? Hii ni wazi kwamba, Yesu alikuwa na uhusiano wa kirafiki, tena wa karibu sana na hii familia, na hasa Martha (nionavyo mimi, kulingana na maandiko). Tuangalie zaidi mazingira haya kama ilivyoandikwa.

Yohana 11:20;

Martha aliposikia kwamba hatimaye Yesu amefika msibani japo kwa kuchelewa, alikwenda kumlaki (kumpokea) lakini Mariam hakutoka, alibaki ndani. Unadhani kwanini? Baada ya kuongea na Yesu kwa muda Fulani, ndipo tunamona Mariam akiamua kwenda kmwuita na Mariam, atoke ndani kwenda kumsalimia Yesu (mstari wa 28-32) Hii inaonyesha ukaribu uliokuwepo kati ya Yesu na Martha. Walikuwa na upendo mkubwa sana wa kirafiki, Phileo.

Kwa wale wasomaji wa Biblia, mnakumbuka hata wakati Yesu alipotembelea familia yao siku moja, ni Martha aliyeonyesha kumjali Yesu sana hata kujituma jikoni ili kumuandalia chakula, wakati Mariam hakuwa hata na pressure, bali alijiketisha miguuni pa Yesu kusikiliza Neno la Mungu. Japo badaye Martha alishushuliwa na Yesu, lakini ndiye aliyeonyesha kumjali (kum-care) Yesu zaidi, ndiye aliyeonyesha kusumbuka kwa ajili ya Yesu zaidi kuliko Mariam. Soma hii katika kitabu cha Luka 10:38-42.

Mimi naamini urafiki wa Martha kwa Yesu alijengeka katika mazingira ya Martha kuthamini wema na baraka alizotendewa na Yesu, kwasababu utakumbuka kwamba, Martha ndiye yule mwanamke kahaba, ambaye siku moja alisikia injili katika mkutano ambao Yesu alikuwa anahubiri na akatubu dhambi zake, akatua mzigo wake na Yesu akamsamehewa kabisa uovu wake wote. Kwa furaha aliyokuwa nayo, akaenda nyumbani kwake, akachukua chupa ya perfume (marhamu) safi tena ya bei kubwa, akaja mahali ambapo Yesu alialikwa chakulani nyumbani kwa Farisayo aitwaye Simon.

Kwa utaratibu wa kiyahudi, ni mwiko kabisa mwanamke kuingia katika kikao cha wanaume wala kumgusa mwanaume bila utaratibu. Lakini kwa jinsi alivyokuwa na msukumo mkubwa moyoni, alishindwa kujizuia, akapenya mpaka mahali walipokuwa wamekaa chakulani, akasimama nyuma ya Yesu, akadondosha machozi katika miguu ya Yesu (kwasababu wayahudi hukaa chini kwenye zulia, na hii ina maana kwamba, Yesu alikuwa amekunja miguu kwa nyuma, ndio maana machozi yakamwangukia miguuni). 

Biblia inasema, ndipo alipoinama na kuvunja ile ya marhamu safi, nyumba yote ikajaa harufu nzuri. Martha akaipaka miguu ya Yesu mafuta yale mazuri, akachukua nywele zake ndefu na kuipangusa vizuuuri miguu ya Yesu. Mwisho akamalizia kwa kuibusu sana miguu ya Yesu mpaka mafarisayo wakakwazika na kunung’unika; lakini Yesu akamtetea Martha na kusema ‘mwacheni! Huyu amesamehewa dhambi nyingi kuliko ninyi, ndio maana amenipenda zaidi sana kuliko ninyi wote. Kwa habari kamili, soma Luka 7:36-50.

Pengine kwa sababu ya unyenyekevu wa Martha, ndipo upendo wa kirafiki (phileo) ulipozaliwa kati ya Yesu na Martha. Tunasoma hatimaye siku nyingine, Martha akamualika Yesu chakulani nyumbani kwao (Luka 10:38-42). Kitendo hicho kilimtabulisha Yesu kwa familia ya Lazaro. Biblia inasema Yesu akawapenda sana Martha, Mariam na Lazaro kirafiki - phileo (Yoh 11:1-5). Baada ya hapo, ndipo Lazaro alipougua sana hata Martha akatuma watu kwa Yesu kumwomba aje kumponya kaka yao ambaye pia ni rafiki sana wa Yesu. Mpaka Lazaro anakufa, Yesu alikuwa hajatokea.

Siku Yesu anafika, walikuwa wameshamzika Lazaro siku nne zilizopita, tayari ananuka, ameharibika. Habari ziliposikika kwamba Yesu amefika msibani, ni Martha peke yake aliyetoka kwenda kumlaki Yesu. Baada ya muda Martha kuongea na Yesu kwa muda, ndipo akrudi ndani kwenda kumwita Mariam atoke kwenda kumsalimia Yesu kule nje.

Mariam akatoka, naye alipomwona Yesu, alilia kwa uchungu sana na kujibwaga miguu pa yesu na kulalama ‘Yesu kama ungeuja mapema, kaka yetu asingekufa, ungemponya’. Yesu alipomwona Mariam analia, na wayahudi waliofuatana naye wanalia, Yesu akaugua sana moyoni, akafadhaika, na mstari wa 35 unasema “Yesu akalia machozi”. Hata wayahudi walipomuona Yesu analia, waksema, “angalia jinsi alivyompenda (Lazaro)”. Hii inaonyesha kwamba, kulikuwa na upendo mkubwa sana wa kirafiki kati ya Yesu na Lazaro na dada zake. Baada ya hayo, tunasoma Yesu akaenda kumfufua rafiki yake Lazaro kutoka mautini.

Ndipo katika sura inayofuata (Yoh 12:1-8) baada ya wakati fulani kupita tangu Yesu amfufue Lazaro, tunaona familia ya Lazaro wanamwandalia Yesu karamu (sherehe au party), pengine ilikuwa ni ibada ya shukurani ya kufufuka kwa Lazaro. Siku hiyo, Martha akaanda chakula kizuri, halafu wote wakiwa wameketi chakulani, Martha akarudia tena kumvunjia Yesu kibweta cha marashi safi na nyumba yote ikajaa harufu nzuri sana ya manukato. Martha akamvunjia Yesu kibweta kingine cha marashi (perfume) safi ya bei kubwa; akampaka tena Yesu marhamu safi kwa nywele zake. Ilikuwa ni ratili ya mafuta safi ya marhamu yenye thamani nyingi. Safari hii Yuda ndiye aliyekwazika (soma mwenyewe utajua sababu). Lakini tunamwona Yesu akimtetea tena Martha na kusema ‘mwacheni, kwa kitendo hiki, ananiandaa kwa maziko yangu’.

Tukio hili la alilolifanya Martha, na ujasiri aliokuwa nao wa kuingia katika kikao cha wananume, kinyume cha utamaduni na kuishinda hofu yake, liliupendeza sana moyo wa Bwana Yesu, kwani, aliona upendo wa kweli na urafiki wa kweli kutoka kwa Martha. Martha alikuwa rafiki wa kweli wa Bwana Yesu. Yaani hawa wawili, walikuwa real good and serious friends. Yesu alivyokuwa na urafiki wa Karibu sana na Martha. Martha alimpenda sana Yesu kwa wema usioelezeka, ambao Yesu alimtendea yeye na familia yake. Upendo uliokuwa katika yao ni upendo phileo, Upendo wa kirafiki, upendo wenye sababu. Nitakufundisha hii baadaye kwa kina na upana wake. Kwahiyo, tulia tu, endelea kusoma.

Kwahiyo, tumeona kwamba, Friendship is a word we use every day in showing and expressing good and close relationships between us or between people. Tumesema kwamba,

• Friendship is a good relationship or/and close relationship, between two or more people.
• Friendship is a sharing of one’s life with another or other people/beings, in various aspects of our everyday life; such as interests and hobbies, the pleasures and pains of life, etc.

Pia tumeona kwamba;

• Friendship is a relationship of one’s own choice, of whom to be related to and how to be related to from the bases of appreciation and satisfaction of one own heart’s desires.
• Friendship is a agreement to a commitment of one’s life to the other, on the basis of hearts desires, choice and satisfaction, for a particular purpose / direction.

Pia tumeona kwamba, kuna aina mbali mbali za urafiki. Tumeona urafiki wa jinsia moja, kwa mfano, urafiki wa Jonathan na Daudi. Lakini pia tumeangalia urafiki wa jinsia tofauti, kwa mfano wa urafiki wa Yesu na Martha. Na kuna aina nyingine nyingi tu za urafiki au marafiki. Huko mbele, nitakufundisha vizuri na kwa kina; utaona kwamba, kuna marafiki hata wa umri tofauti. Ngoja nisikuonjeshe utamu kabla ya saa ya kula. Lakini huko mbeleni, kuna kipengele kinaitwa, aina za marafiki. Na hapo tutachimba zaidi na kuangalia kwa upana, aina za urafiki uliopo.

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