TOPIC: FRIENDSHIP,LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP!!!....CHAPTER TWO!!

CHAPTER  TWO

WHY DO WE NEED FRIENDS?

1.    TO FILL AND EXPRESS THE HUMAN NEED OF LOVE AND CARE.

We as human beings, all have this sense and ambition of wanting to be loved and to show or send or express love others people or beings. This ambition or desire or need is a natural and God given desire, to receive and give love, care, recognition, attention, appreciation and sympathy.  We are also created with the ambition of giving love to others. This need and ambition is the ability of the human soul, within us (every one of us) as part of our being.

Psychologists tell us that, infants (babies) can either grow weak and unbalanced physically and mentally, if they won’t receive enough love. Babies as human beings, even if they get good nutrition, still need love, care, attention, appreciation, touch, sweet words, etc. Not food alone, because man is not just a body. Man is a spiritual being with a soul, living in a body.

During the second world war, in  German, it was reported that, in a certain hospital some infants (babies) died and others grew so weak, just because their  mothers died in the war, and the hospital had no enough nurses to take care, of them as mothers do, though they had proper nutrition, medication and room temperature.  But one certain baby, who was always in the hands of one nurse, receiving love, sweet words, warm soft touches, he grew very beautifully strong and healthy.

We all have this space/hole in our hearts, of wanting to be filled with love, care and attention from someone. It’s Godly and it’s natural. And that’s why God has given us friends, so that through good friendship, the people we relate to can provide all that which feeds our souls and make us mentally and physically well. We need friends to fill and express the human need of Love and care. 

2.     TO FILL THE HUMAN NEED OF SOCIAL INTERACTION.

We are not just physical and spiritual beings, but we are also, social beings.  As we grow up, we develop the need and desire interaction, association and cooperation with other beings.  Not just human beings, but all good and attractive beings like animals such as pets and plants like flowers. Everyone has the need and desire to get together with other, to have people to talk to, listen to, share life with, relax with, and people to have fun with, to enjoy life and have recreation.  We all need people to talk with, to walk with, to work with, to worship with, to live with. 

Imagine a life, from morning to morning, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, for several months, or years, who does not interact with anybody, who does not talk to anyone, even a tree or a bird, imagine! I believe this guy won’t be normal mentally even physically! I think, if you won’t get people to talk with, and share life, I think… you may stiffen like a piece of dry wood! (Joke). Psychologists tell us that, such people will not grow up with a well balanced mental and emotional life.  Their psychological ability will obviously have defects.  Their characters and attitudes will surely be strange. We are not to eat, work, study and worship only, we have to balance life with recreation, enjoyment, relation, having fun, with people we like/love.  That’s why we need friends.

3.     TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND OURSELVES AND OTHERS.

Friendship and togetherness gives us the opportunity to know others people and their characters, behaviors and attitudes.  That knowledge helps us to choose friends to relate to more closely. Friendship gives us the chance to know ourselves.  You can’t identify the value something, if you can’t compare. To compare one needs other things of the same type or people (to be specific).  There are things, attitudes and desires in us, which we can’t identify them (know them) without the pull from the people we meet/interact with.

Interaction has the ability to pull some things from within us. As you share your life with other people, as you meet people of different kind, you will start to realize that “wow I like this”  or “I don’t like that”. Soon or later you will start to discover that “I don’t like this habit” or “I like this style” etc. Such will only be possible if you interact with people in the friendship game (way of life). Some likes and dislikes weakness and strength, desires and hates, which are in us, will never emerge out of us and be known, if we don’t interact. If you consider yourself an educated person, you may not know the strength or the weakness of what you know until you meet other learned fellows. If you count yourself as a great singer, musician, painter, etc you will not actually know the truth till you meet other fellow artists.

If you are a boy/male, you may not perfectly know the level of your strength or weakness till you hang alone with other boys/men. It’s the same with girls. Another aspect of life which has a great ability to pull the real personality of someone is the encounter with the opposite sex.  We are sexual beings. And sexuality has the power to identify and distinguish personalities, characters, behaviors, attitudes and conducts. The point still is, friendship has the power to make us know ourselves, the real us. So, friends help us to know ourselves and to know each other.

        

4.       FOR PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

When you know yourself and get challenged with a certain personality, character, ability or achievement of a friend, it is easy to set the desire for change and develop a better personality, characters, ability or achievement. When you find out an unattractive or an unpleasing habit or attitude, level or achievement, you are able to make up your mind not to end-up in such a place/level. So, you can see how friendship has help develop ones personality.

But also, when friends discover a bad behavior or unsatisfying thing in you, they can help you change and become a better person. Good friends challenge our lives and our lifestyles. Good friends help us to live a clean life, I mean not just in attitude wise or intellectually, but also physically in areas such as health wise, tidiness, in body, clothing, surrounding, etc.  Friends help us change character, attitudes, and develop better personality.  That why we need friends.

 5.       FOR HELP AND SUPPORT     *Eccl 4:9-10

Life is full of pleasure and pain as well. We don’t like bad things, but we face these things in the everyday now and the life. Everyday we fight and resist unwanted things in life such as poverty, lack, hurting, failure, brokenness, hardship, pain, sickness, accidents, death, etc.  Jesus said in John 16:33 that In the world you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer (in heart), (for) I have overcome the world. These things I have spoken that you may have peace (paraphrased). Also it’s written in Psalms 34:19 and 17 that; Many are the afflictions (troubles) of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. For they cry out and the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles. (paraphrased).

During hard times, discouragement, frustration, fear, worries, lack, failures, pain, tears, funerals, broken hearts, etc, friends are one of the best support and hope we may such hard times. Good friends may sometimes be used by God as the best medication to our lives when passing through ‘the valleys’ of life.  Imagine yourself going through a funeral or frustration or pain and discouragement without someone you love, to hold your hand and give you shoulder to cry on.  We need friends. * Read John 11: 1-7, 17-23 and see how Jesus was a good friend to Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha.

But also, during good times and high times of joy and celebration, friends are the best decorations.  Imagine having your birthday, your graduation or your marriage, without a single friend to be with you! I‘m telling you, you may find yourself going out to pick any body around, to give you company. Read it in Luke 14:15-24.  Friends decorate our good times and make us feel valuable, feel special, feel good and feel high even if you might be poor. That’s why we need friends and that’s why we have friends. Friends are for help and for support.

6.         FOR SPIRITUAL GROWTH

Friends are there to help us grow spiritually and know God more closely.  The bible says we can not be effective in sharing life and faith, if we do not grow spiritually in knowing God more.
It’s written in Philemon 1:6 that the communication of our faith, may become effectual, by getting to know (acknowledging) of every good thing which is in us in Christ Jesus.

To inherit God’s blessings in life requires spiritual growth (Gal 3:13-14, 29; Gal 4:1) and to overcome the world, sin and the devil requires spiritual maturity. And spiritual growth requires a disciplined life of bible studying, prayer, worship, and fellowship with other believers, etc. (Gal 5:16-23; Efe 4:11-14; Efe 6:12-13, 10-11).

We need friends to study Gods word with, to pray with, to worship with to serve god with, etc.  Friends are people to help us not to do some things which don’t please god and people.  (Even with rebukes).  Friends are there to help us do what we are supposed to do. To do good things. The bible says in 1Cor 15:33 that Do not be deceived, evil (bad) company corrupts good behavior (paraphrased). That is why the bible says that we should hold company with those who live with good (pure) hearts conducts. It says; flee from youthful lusts; and follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that love the Lord with a pure heart (2Tim 2:22). 

Friends, who draw us away from godly spiritual values, are never good friends.  If your friends are not helping you spiritually, then he/she is destroying your relationship with God, Even if he/she is not telling you to do bad things, but the state of leaving your situation, is a process of destroying you.  We are to make friends who help us to grow in the grace of Salvation and in knowing God more, through Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour (2 Pet 3:18)

7.         TO FIND A MARRIAGE PARTNER  *Gen 2:8, 18

People get their life partners in many ways.  Some get visions and dreams.  So get Prophecies and some here God’s voice clearly.  But these are very special ways for someone to receive direction on who to marry.  Not every one of us will here God’s voice in this way saying like the way Joseph did as he heard from God “Do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife” (Math 1:20)

In normal/general situations, people find their marriage partners, among their friends and among the people they meet. A wife or husband is supposed to be your best friend and partner in every aspect of life. Infact, perfect marriage partners are the ones who came united out of a close friendship. Best friends who know each other closely, have a big chance of  having the best marriage couple. I can say that, most marriage problems emerge from not being fully acquainted with your partner’s attitude and characters.

Many young men and women, boys and girls, get confused and frustrated, when it comes to the issue of deciding who to marry, though they have been taught and they have prayed a lot.  The knowledge about the person helps much in making decision and taking direction.  Friendship helps us to know good people and get good life partners. So, friendship helps us interact with people, get to know people, develop interest on certain people and eventually start marriage procedures.

Therefore, make more friends, godly friends, and it may be easier and of less confusion when the time comes for you to make the second most important decision: “who do you want to spend the rest of your life on earth with?”  It is the second most important decision, a person can make after deciding”  “where are you going to spend the rest of your life after earth/death” New Jehanum or New Jerusalem?  This is the first most important decision one is to make.  Then comes the decision about marriage.

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